How Medicine Affects Our Life: A Word from the Sig O

 My family is starting a new leg in life. I have a new training position as a fellow in a new part of the country. We have picked up and moved all of our belongings to a new apartment and live above the local market in the downtown area of a small town. Kait, my best friend and my wife, had been there with me through this entire process.

Those of us in the medical community often talk about how challenging our schedules are in medicine. It is true, we spend a lot of time learning to take care of patients and actually taking care of patients. However, we don’t often talk frankly about how our schedule impacts those close to us.

My wife has an amazing and successful career herself (she is not in medicine), but it seems to me that it is my career that has driven our lives over the past several years. So, I figured I would dedicate this post to a word from the significant other and I would interview my wife to get her thoughts on my career (this is the first “interview” I have ever done and the first time the two of us have spoken formally and directly about my career). It gave me pause to think more about the people – partners, siblings, family members – who do their part for our patients by supporting us.

Me: Do you enjoy being a part of a medical family? What do you like about it? What don’t you like?

Kait: I enjoy most of it. It isn’t all easy. I like that I get to ask you all my medical questions (she says with a smile – she is a bit of a hypochondriac). The hours you work are terrible. I also don’t like it when I can’t get in touch with you. That is probably the most frustrating. There are times when I want to get angry at you but I know that isn’t fair.

Me: Do you feel medicine is the driving force in our life?

Kait: No, but that is because you don’t make me feel that way. It influences it in a big way though. It has dictated in large part where we have lived for the past 5 years and where we are going to live for at least the next 3. It also dictates what vacations you have and what weekends you are home…and when you can come with me to weddings. Okay, well, maybe it is the driving force…

Me: What would our life look like if I wasn’t a doctor? What if I had a 9-5 job?

Kait: Huh, I don’t know. We might have more time to do things and go more places. (With a smile) I wouldn’t go to weddings by myself (apparently I have missed a few friends’ weddings due to being on call). But I would never want you to do something you didn’t love.

Me: Is it frustrating to think about the amount of time that I spend taking care of other people?

Kait: No. I want to be certain that if I was sick I would have someone to take care of me. Besides, I feel that taking care of things on my own from time to time makes me a stronger person. I feel like I am self-sufficient and that is a good thing. I can’t hold a grudge against you because you’re not there a lot. It would be impossible and isn’t healthy.

Me: Do you feel your career is second place?

Kait: Yes, it was. We moved away from my career for residency. But I chose to follow you there. I don’t have feelings of resentment. I chose.

Me: In residency, we have seen lots of close friends who were doing quite well and some who had trouble. Do you think that being a doctor’s spouse was a factor?

Kait: Yes, it takes a special person to have someone who isn’t always there physically and emotionally. It takes two. I feel like I am understanding, but you also try hard to make sure I feel like I am a priority.

Me: Do you have advice for people struggling?

Kait: (with a laugh) Get a dog! No, it isn’t that bad. I love you. I mean you are not around sometime but I don’t think we need to be constantly together. And I know that when you are away you aren’t on vacation.

We had a much longer talk about this on the drive to our new home. If there is anything I can say, it is that I wished we had had this direct conversation much earlier. Medicine is a tough road sometimes. We are all going to need people to love and take care of us when we come home after taking care of others. When you can, I encourage you to sit down and have this conversation with the loved ones in your life. It may cause you to face some hard realities about how your career impacts those around you, but it will make your life outside of the hospital a richer and fuller place.

 

Read more experiences from current residents. Subscribe to our blog!

All of the opinions expressed here are the author’s and his alone, and do not represent necessarily those of Kaplan or its employees.

Test names are the registered trademark of their respective owners.